Football transfer rumours: Blaise Matuidi to Manchester United and Jesé to Arsenal?

 Blaise Matuidi looks towards the Trafford Centre. Photograph: JMP/Rex/Shutterstock

In this year of great uncertainty and unpredictability it is refreshing that we can still rely on one thing to remain the same: Arsenal players sustaining long-term injuries. The news that Per Mertesacker has suffered a serious knee injury in a friendly against Lens last Friday and is likely to be ruled out for five months is no surprise considering the squad’s record. 

Is it the training? The playing surface? Or just a prolonged spell of bad luck? Most likely the latter no matter the conspiracy theorists, but fear not, Arsenal fans, Arsène Wenger has plenty of time to find a replacement before the window closes. Actually, scrap that. Wenger has a little more than a fortnight to sign a new defender before Arsenal begin the new season against Livepool on 14 August with a centre-half partnership of Calum Chambers and Rob Holding because Gabriel Paulista has tonsillitis and Laurent Koscielny was told to take a longer holiday after helping France to glorious ignominy by losing to Portugal in the final of their own European Championship. Anyway, maybe Wenger was giving Granit Xhaka instructions about playing at the back yesterday.

Of course Arsenal could still do with signing a striker but after being told off by Lyon for their attempt to sign Alexandre Lacazette yesterday, Gonzalo Higuaínconfirming his move to Juventus and Jamie Vardy long committed to a longer stay at Leicester, Wenger is running out of options. Next on the hit-list is the Toulouse forward Wissam Ben Yedder, who scored 17 goals in Ligue 1 last season. And after that Wenger may consider Real Madrid’s Jesé, who is coming to terms with the fact he is unlikely to climb above Karim Benzema, Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo in the Real Madrid pecking order.

One of the summer’s most unusual moves could see the Austrian goalkeeper Ivan Lucic swap Bayern Munich for Bristol City. However, if that story does not sound baffling enough for you, there is an added twist because Lee Johnson fancies looking after his dad and loaning the 21-year-old to Cheltenham so he can gain some experience.

Elsewhere, a France midfielder has been told he can head to Old Trafford – but it’s not that one. Blaise Matuidi can depart PSG for about £30m, which of course is the new £10m. One of Portugal’s key players at Euro 2016 William Carvalhowould cost a similar amount from Sporting Lisbon, with Chelsea and Evertontempted.

Liverpool have opened their warchest and chucked a similar pile of cash at Sporting in the hope of signing another European Champion in João Mário, whileMario Balotelli, never one for trouble, has spotted a route out of Merseyside – a move to Besiktas, which sounds so preposterous even the most imaginative clickbait sites would struggle to make it up.

The first instance of a GoPro being a factor in a contract may be just round the corner, too, now Jürgen Klopp has told Mamadou Sakho to exit the door marked Do One. Yes, that infantile irritation of the manager at Alcatraz appeared to be the final straw for a defender that should really be on his best behaviour considering the recent past. Who in the Premier League needs a solid centre half though? Oh.